PUSHING THROUGH REDUNDANCY

Redundancy. It’s not something most people want.

It leaves most recipients, regardless of gender, in a state of grief – shock, anger, lack of hope, and so on. It is a major life change that can rip open a messy fusion of complex emotions and ensure that even the most resilient of humans, is rocked.

What we’ve noticed with the majority of men we work with, is that it’s their sense of identity that really gets tested.

We’re well versed by now on the fact many men in their 40s and 50s have largely been influenced by outdated ideals of masculinity.

As little boys, many of them will have been taught that to be a man you had to be strong, solution- focused, brave. To bury emotions, protect, and provide. 

Their fathers, male role models, media portrayals, and cultural narratives reinforced the idea that a man’s value and identity is intrinsically linked to his professional success and ability to support his family financially.

It makes sense then that those carrying this narrative are made redundant, their sense of self is rocked. Their ability to provide and “be a man” -  as per outdated conventions -  crumbles. Dropped, dismissed, rejected.

And what are they left with? Well that’s different for everyone, but in most cases, somewhere within the process, it’s emptiness and fear. Because without their professional success – which they’ve perhaps striven for all their lives (because that’s what they were told to do) - who are they?

One client was made redundant from a company he had worked for 25 years  - no warning.

“Time just stopped. Everything crashed. Then quiet, everything went numb. 6 days later and I couldn’t get out of bed. My mind and body felt like lead.  I’m now lost. I don’t know who I am or even what I want. I feel so bloody rejected, full of rage and blame, and totally exposed. My reputation is ruined.”

Redundancy results in the brutal reality of having to sit still in yourself and figure out who you are, while your wounds are still raw, and it can be terrifying for a lot of men who have, until this point, buried their feelings away.

If you’re reading this and in the process of redundancy, it’s likely you’re experiencing a whole cocktail of emotions. Inadequacy, emasculation, exposure, rage and fear. Perhaps something else entirely. The first step, is to acknowledge that a) you’re having these feelings and b) they are normal and valid. it’s important to let them surface, as uncomfortable as that can be.

And then, it’s about finding your way through and forward. Here’s some tips we use in coaching that might help you get started with that.

Step 1: Perspective 

Being made redundant inevitably draws blood from your self esteem and releases an inner script which tells you on loud speaker what you are not, what you’re lacking and that you’re not good enough.

It can help to give yourself some perspective. Think about the role you’ve just been in then try answering the following:

• What am I most proud of during my time there?

• What did I do well?

• What could I control?

• What was out of my control?

• What positive feedback did I receive during my time there?

• What does all of this tell me?

Step 2: Take Back Control

Without a plan or a predictable routine of going to work, you can be left feeling a lack of control, and that’s not typically a nice feeling.

A way to get round this is to take back control. Create a temporary plan for each week. And that plan may change throughout the process, depending on where you are in the redundancy journey.

For example, for the first month, merely getting up, putting on clothes and going for walk may feel enough of a plan. And that’s ok. This stuff takes time.

Month 3 or 4, you may be getting up, doing some scheduled exercise, meditation, reading or whatever floats your boat, followed by an allocated time slot for to building up to reaching out to network, meeting headhunters to discuss opportunities, and so on.

But the bottom line is, a plan and routine will help you to feel more in control and inevitably give you a sense of purpose and achievement, and this is a key component in building yourself up.

Step 3: Get to know yourself

Start honing into what brings you joy, fills your cup, energizes you. Get curious about it. If you’re drawing a blank, start by thinking about your younger years and what you used to enjoy doing. Creating, experimenting, playing, reading, moving. When you have a list of things that feel good, try them, schedule them into your routine. Make some time for you. Reflect on how it feels.

This exercise is not only great for finding fulfillment outside of your career but it’s also incredible for your mental fitness and one we strongly urge clients to take forward even when they move into the next role.

Step 4: Radiators not drains

Think about the people who lift you, energise you and make you feel enough as you are. Surround yourself with them, lean on them, and if you feel comfortable, share with them what’s going on.. The people that make you feel shit? Those that aways leave you comparing yourself or feeling lesser – they might not be your people right now.

Step 5: What’s next

Take a moment and consider what’s happened as a rare opportunity; to fine tune things, and create a career that aligns with who you are, what you want, and what you enjoy.

Get a large sheet of paper and write down 4 key highlights in your career.

Beside each of them list:

• The strengths you had in this role

• What you enjoyed about the role

• How it made you feel

• What success looked like

• What you liked about the company culture.

 This gives you a picture not only of what you’re good at, but also of what components of a role and culture that work for you going forward.

Step 6: Reach out

There’s power in having a network.

You’ve spent years cultivating a network of supporters, contacts, and those you met once and can’t quite remember but are connected to on linkedin. Don’t be afraid to tell them your story. The version where you’re in control and hopeful for what’s next. Put it out there and see what happens. Most people enjoy helping contacts they respect and like.

Final word.

You’ve been thrown a curveball, and it’s sh*t. No doubt.

It may feel like the world has collapsed for a while, and that’s ok.

But when you’re ready, get back up. Rebuild. Recreate. Move forward.

Take control, remind yourself of your worth, your ability, what’s great about you. Because it’s all in there, you just need to find it again.

And then go for it.

And who knows, perhaps redundancy will be the making of you.