’Tis the season to be… absolutely exhausted.
Ah, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Lights twinkling, workmates falling over you after one too many shandies, Santa (not the real one) appearing in every café you walk into. There are parties and lists and deadlines and kids squealing at 6am, high from the advent calendar sugar rush (thanks, Auntie Sarah).
If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone.
The cost. The build-up. Michael Bublé doing his thing, over and over again.
You panic-bought on Black Friday, still not sure if they’ll actually like the air fryer you purchased or if it’s patronising, still not convinced you spelt her name right on the Etsy personalised mug.
December can expose how tired, stretched and emotionally burdened we actually are. It’s an exhausting 31 days when we’re already running on empty. It’s meant to be the month of slowing down, but the reality is our routine collapses, we stuff our faces and, most of us, travel from house to house seeing different groups of folk we ‘need / want / should’ (delete as necessary) see, ending up treading our way into January feeling the opposite of fresh.
So if this is you — juggling work demands, family responsibilities and the weight of a year’s worth of expectation — it’s likely you’ve reached December and, instead of relaxing, your system feels depleted.
This is one of the biggest themes that shows up with our clients at this time of year. Not burnout in January. Not exhaustion in March. But the quiet, heavy sense of depletion that arrives in December and refuses to shift.
Think back on the past few years. Does any sickness or virus feature in December? Or when you take two weeks off for a holiday? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise that when we finally stop, our body and mind release, and all the built-up resistance and coping falls away to reveal that we’ve been carrying / juggling too much.
What’s happening?
Rarely does any midlife adult enter December feeling rested. And while this is a natural human reaction, we see it show up very clearly for men. The men we work with enter the month after eleven months of pushing. Be that in their careers, managing leadership responsibilities, carrying financial pressures, family needs or social expectations. Men in senior or leadership roles often seek executive coaching for men at this point, not because something is “wrong”, but because the weight of responsibility has quietly accumulated. For many, this is also where career coaching for men becomes valuable — creating space to reflect on direction, pressure and identity without needing to have all the answers.The mental load of feeling like you have to be the one who “keeps everything steady”.
By December, many men are carrying the emotional and psychological equivalent of Santa’s (the real one) full sack. They feel it, but they rarely say it.
I see the same pattern in myself, just through a different lens. My equivalent is ensuring each Christmas is the ‘best one YET!’. That everything’s been bought for everyone, that our two weeks of hosting have been carefully calculated, planned, timelined and sorted. It’s a logistical nightmare. And alongside that, the demands of work, kids and worries about ageing parents. And the tantrums. I am done with the tantrums (not just mine).
Our lovely attention economy ensures this constant noise of keeping everything spinning, coupled with a consistent sense that you’re not on top of anything, rings loud.
None of us are winning here.
What we’ve noticed
When we coach men in midlife, a common theme emerges. They are exhausted, but they do not want to disappoint anyone. They feel overwhelmed, but they do not want to appear weak. They are stretched thin, but they keep showing up, because that is what they have been taught to do.
This is one of the reasons why we see an uptake in men’s life coaching in January, because December has revealed that they can’t carry on living in a state of consistent fight or flight, and that some tweaks need to be created and implemented for the year ahead — not as a fix, but to create more space for them to feel OK.
I don’t think outdated rules around what it means to be a man help. Men often define themselves by roles: provider, leader, problem solver, calm one, strong one, the person who copes. But December strips away routine and exposes how drained many men feel by these roles, and when the structure falls away, identity can feel shaky.
Men realise how long they have been running on empty. They notice the emotional distance that has built up between them and the people they care about. They become aware of how disconnected they feel from themselves.
Just relax
“Oh, but you just need to relax.”
Whoever says this to you, you have my permission to stuff a Brussel sprout in their mouth. It’s not helpful — and it misses what’s really going on.
The reality is that just switching off can feel really difficult when your nervous system has normalised a state of always being on, always running from or towards the tiger (fight or flight).
For many men, the moment the pressure drops, the internal noise increases. They feel restless and irritable. They struggle to sit still. They seek distraction through work, exercise, screens, alcohol or simply “keeping busy”, because busyness feels safer than being still. Being still, resting, brings things to the surface that have been avoided.
This is a classic example of your nervous system being overloaded. A year of adrenaline, pressure and problem-solving that has never been processed.
It is why many men feel worse in December, not better. Their body is trying to switch off. Their mind refuses.
Unanswered questions. Lingering doubts. Identity shifts. Emotional fatigue. Thoughts about purpose, career direction or relationships that were easy to ignore at full speed.
These questions can feel unsettling, especially for men in their forties and fifties who have been taught to keep moving forward regardless of how they feel.
This is why so many men seek support in December and January. Not because they want a “New Year’s resolution”, but because the questions inside them finally get too loud to ignore.
Working with a personal development coach or executive coach can help men explore these questions without judgement. Coaching offers clarity rather than pressure, direction rather than overwhelm, and perspective rather than self-criticism.
The additional stuff
December also brings hefty emotional layers that we don’t talk about. Family dynamics that feel tense or complicated. Having to make painful conversation with your brother’s petulant teenager, or be a silent observer as your mum and dad feign happy families whilst sending passive-aggressive signals via their facial expressions.
Let’s not forget the obvious — Christmas is ridiculously expensive. It’s become an advertiser’s heaven, sending us Insta ads and Black Friday deals that send our expectation levels through the roof in what we need to buy, create and deliver.
Then there’s the emotional resonance that Christmas creates. The reminder of people who are no longer here, or regret about where we were ‘meant to be’ by now but aren’t even close to. Dread about having to find the internal resource to start off a new year and set goals.
These emotions do not disappear. They simply get buried beneath social events, wrapping paper and work deadlines, but they can have a profound effect on your wellbeing, mood and behaviour.
What do we do with all of this?
My invitation to you is to listen in to how you’re feeling and respond accordingly, in a way that is good for you, healthy (I’m not talking about guzzling a bottle of gin here) and maximises power for your battery. This is what that could look like:
1. SHOULD
If you find yourself saying you feel you should go to something, it suggests it’s based on expectation (either internal or external), rather than something you intrinsically 100% want to do. You might try turning the should into could.
Give yourself all the options. Ask yourself: What could I do instead?
· I could say no and instead do something for myself / something I’ve been wanting to get done.
· I could go for one hour and drive. Choose one thing to say no to.
· I could go and it might be fun.
· I could say no and do absolutely nothing.
2. RECHARGE YOUR BATTERY
You might find it helpful to write a list of things that bring you comfort and joy, that make you feel energised and good about yourself. If it helps, try doing one of these every day, or every other day, when you are off work.
3. LISTEN IN
If, in stopping, you’ve become poorly, or you feel flat, perhaps you’ve hit a low or feel disconnected — listen to that. Take it as data. What is this telling you? What might need to change? What’s the first step?
You might use the festive period as an opportunity to ask yourself, “How am I doing?” This is not about putting pressure on yourself to suddenly have a new plan for your job or for life. It’s not about having a so-called midlife crisis or showing weakness. It’s about listening in, observing how your body has reacted physically, and holding that. What do I want to do with this?
Final note
These may sound small, but for many men they are significant shifts. They create space. They soften the internal pressure. They make room to breathe.
And if things feel overwhelming, we’re here. Equally, you might find an outlet that helps via a partner, friend, mentor or a journal.
Let December be the month you listen in to yourself. Let it be the moment you acknowledge what you have carried. And do whatever you need to do to pause and listen to your needs.