STUCK

Let’s imagine your career is a mountain (humour me).

You’ve been climbing it for years, blisters on your feet from the long hours, aching muscles from the weight of pressure, tension in your head from the relentless climb.

The summit has always been clear: the next promotion, the bigger role, your own office.

But now, as you look up - burnt out, exhausted, sweaty — the mountain vanishes into mist. There’s no clear peak, no obvious path, and only uncertainty about whether the climb even matters anymore.

When we talk about challenges in the workplace, conversations often centre around diversity, equity, and inclusion. These are vital conversations, and it’s going to take decades to create a new cultural and organisational system that is fair, equal and does it’s best to heal the scars of the patriarchy.

But there’s another story that’s largely kept under the radar and that I’m hearing time and time again. It’s quieter, less visible, and often hidden behind a mask of resilience.

It’s the story of men in their 40s and 50s, who have worked hard, led teams, delivered results, and climbed the ladder, with the belief and blueprint from infancy that doing well professionally was what they were meant to do.

Except all of a sudden, some are hearing messages that make them feel like they’re part of the problem or that their experience is less relevant.

They’re stuck bang in the middle of that mountain with no clue which way to go because no route feels safe

The men I am working with through men’s life coaching are lacking hope, they’re feeling stuck, they’re feeling directionless, and they’re feeling cancelled out.

WHAT’s GOING ON?

If you’re a man in your 40s or 50s, you may have grown up believing a man’s identity was defined by his career, his ability to provide for his family, and his role as the one who had the answers.

That ideal of what and how a man should be became, for some little boys — and perhaps for you — an unconscious belief system. Even now, you may know it’s outdated and yet still feel it deeply. Both can be true.

In 2025, even if you’re conscious of how the world has changed and even if you’re an ally who strives for equity, the constant negativity around men and masculinity and the lack of visible opportunity might be leaving you feeling pretty lost. Because you’re trying to follow the blueprint you were taught, except the rulebook has drastically changed, and you no longer see where you fit.

‘Stu’ was a managing director at a major bank and after years of success, he was made redundant, and it rocked him to the core. So much of his identity was tied to his work. At first, he was confident. With his credentials, track record and results, he assumed it would only be months before he was back at the helm.

But nine months later, he was still searching. Every day he spoke to recruiters, every month he chased ‘potentially great roles.’ Four times he made it to the final round, only to be told the role had gone to ‘a better fit’. He later learned the successful candidates had been chosen in part to meet organisational diversity goals

Ageism hit hard, his confidence drained and his sense of purpose disappeared. Without his career, he felt adrift, depressed and completely alone. This wasn’t about laziness or lack of effort, it was about feeling like he was on the outside of a system that no longer seemed to value him.

That’s when he reached out for personal coaching.

THE FREEZE EFFECT

Across industries, I hear similar stories from men in midlife. They feel as though opportunities for progression are narrowing and that their age and gender is a mark against them in competitive recruitment processes. They watch companies focus on hiring “future talent” and question where that leaves them.

As a result, many are frozen in place. They stay in roles that no longer excite them because the risk of moving, and failing to secure another role, feels too high. They want more, but they’re afraid to step off the ledge.

Andrew was a senior manager in a well-known professional services firm. He was in a perpetual cycle of high pressure, deadlines, high risk deals and unhealthy expectations (internal and external). Taking one week off a year for Christmas felt too much. He was unable to be present and switch off with a nervous system so attuned to being in fight or flight. He was miserable, hated his job and felt so low mentally that his thoughts frequently trickled into dark places. That’s when he reached out to me. He couldn’t see a way out. Because who would want to employ a middle aged man at his level?

Too senior to move sideways. Too young to retire. Too “old” to be picked for the top role. It’s not a nice place to be.

That’s where corporate coaching and personal development can make a difference — helping men build confidence, resilience and renewed focus to navigate the uncertainty.

THE MISSING NARRATIVE

What makes this struggle even harder is the silence around it.

There are countless initiatives, articles, and communities focused on empowering women, younger professionals, and underrepresented groups in leadership, and rightly so. These initiatives matter and they mark progress.

But for the middle-aged man, there’s almost nothing. No campaigns about opportunity. No inspiring narratives of possibility. Very few support systems.

In fact, many men feel they can’t even voice frustration without being judged, dismissed, or told to “check their privilege.”

That silence is creating a crisis of identity for men who spent decades believing that hard work and loyalty would lead to fulfilment. It’s what society taught them. But those rules no longer apply.

Progress for one group doesn’t mean regression for another; inclusion grows stronger when every voice feels heard.

REWRITING THE STORY

The answer isn’t to push back against diversity; this isn’t about competing with women, younger candidates, or underrepresented groups. In fact, the ‘them and us’ mentality needs to do one if we’re going to create any sense of belonging and equity in the world and workplace.

It’s about broadening the conversation, recognising that all groups need inclusion, opportunity, and hope.

Men need a new narrative: one that reminds them their value isn’t tied solely to a job title; one that helps them redefine success on their own terms; one that reframes midlife not as an ending, but as a turning point.

Perhaps that’s what men’s coaching does, helps them create an anchor, a plan, and offers a reminder of what they are, what they can do, the value they bring and why they matter.

ACTION WITHIN ORGANISATIONS

There’s also a need for organisations to understand how social change—including the progress brought by feminism—has reshaped expectations for everyone, sometimes leaving men unsure of their place

We need a deeper understanding of men’s experiences and how they navigate change.

We need networks where people can listen to one another and move toward cultures of belonging, not separation.

We need to ask men how they’re doing.

We must look seriously at male mental health, suicide rates, and the research showing how reluctant men can be to open up about how they feel. Then find ways, through leadership role-modelling, communication, and real action, to change that behaviour.

FINAL THOUGHT

If you’re a man in your 40s or 50s feeling stuck, undervalued, or uncertain about what comes next, know this: you are not alone, your value hasn’t expired, and your story is far from over.

There’s no magic fix here. I just wanted to say to you - you are seen, you matter, and you can figure this out.

Through coaching, I’ve seen men move from despair to clarity, from hopelessness to opportunity. Not because the system changed overnight, but because they discovered they still had agency.

When you shift from “I’m stuck” to “I have options,” everything begins to open up. Contact us to day, to find out more about our coaching sessions.